Let’s make a baby take two…or IVF cycle 2 begins

Until it doesn’t. 

I had my Lupron evaluation today to make sure the birth control pills had made everything calm enough to start another cycle. It was my first sono since my miscarriage (more on that in another post) and as I got up on the table I couldn’t help but think back to those previous appointments. First the joy of seeing that tiny flutter and then the devastation of being told it was only time until it would stop. 

In some ways this appointment felt much like when we began our first cycle back in July. Last cycle we were part of the shared risk program that our clinic offers but because I turned 39 the day after my D&C we were told after our WTF appointment that were were being kicked out of the shared risk program. Happy Fing Birthday to me. Because of this we had to pick another package and redo all of our paperwork and since we are now adding PSG testing we had those consents as well. 

I was instructed to pick up my compounded Microdose Lupron today since my shots were supposed to begin on Friday morning. That was until my nurse called at 4pm to tell me my estrogen is too high (86) and it needs to be under 50 to begin. So two more days of pills and then I get to go back for another date with the dildo cam and a blood draw. 

This really isn’t feeling like much of a Happy Thanksgiving.

And the blood test says…it’s over

The nurse called with my blood results from this morning. “Your beta was 5 so we consider that not pregnant – you don’t need to come for any more betas.” And with that call came the end of what has been the most emotional and heartbreaking 2 months of our life. Each day that passes brings new challenges but also gets a little easier. The tears still come easily, sometimes at the most unexpected times but they are less frequent. So now we move forward. We try again. Knowing more this time than last. Realizing that IVF is really a house of cards, one misstep and the it all comes crashing down.